Quick note by Dr. Boyce Watkins
I’m doing an email interview with Ebony Magazine about the options for black women in the church finding a lifelong partner. It’s really giving me reason for pause, because I’ve never quite understood those women who will only date men who go to church and believe what they do. I know quite a few brothers who walk the walk and talk the talk, but don’t have any desire to be ethical mates or good partners.
I also found it ironic that when I have been rejected for not going to church, the woman took almost no time to evaluate me based on the content of my character. But then again, that told me something about her depth of thinking. Being rejected never bothered me (it happens to everyone), but I did feel sorry for them. If you’ve got that long list of things that a man has to do or have in order for you to be with him, you must realize that with every restriction comes a missed opportunity. Therefore, you should make sure the restrictions are worth it.
Unfortunately, not having a father in the home has taken a toll on the ability of many women to understand what men want outside of looks and sex. I recommend reading a book on the opposite sex (not written by a comedian) if you’re serious about finding a good mate (this goes for men and women).
Dr. Boyce Watkins is a Professor at Syracuse University. To join the Dr. Boyce Watkins network, please click here.
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Let me preface my comment by stating that I am a Christian and believe that it is important to be equally yoked. Shared religion usually indicates shared values. Yet, I take pause with women and men that believe going to church is going to be the best location to find a mate. To me, church is like a hospital. When you are sick, you go to the hospital for treatment. When you are spiritually ill, you go to church for a cure for your soul. There are some there for a “wellness” checkup, but a great majority are there for major soul surgery. Some of the “diseases” in the church are highly communicable…much like the hospital. I believe you should never close your mind to potential life partners. Companionship and love can be found in unusual places and with atypical partners. He might be short or she might be fat but the content of the character and the depth of the personality ignites a beauty that is timeless. My humble opinion.
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Well said Francine. I think everyone should take time to consider the number of failed marriages that began with couple meeting and dating in church. While I am a great believer in a power greater than myself or the universe I don’t believe that the church is only reputable place to find a mate.
Dr. Boyce, it is she know that she can talk to him like his maker could.
Can I get a copy of the Speach to the Law Students…please!
If you are serious about your religion and want a household based on that religion, why would you date a person that isn’t committed to that religion? There are many areas where agreement isn’t essential, but religion is pretty important.
It isn’t always about religion. Sometimes people go to Church to meet a mate, and after the honeymoon is over, they then reveal their true selves. I can respect a person who wants to have a mate who shares their faith and values. Imagine raising children with someone who does not share your principles! I believe that a true christian will let their faith shine through in all their decisions.